Samuel Merrin investigates: the Oreo Cookies that Ruined Illinois

MORRIS, Ill. — Got milk?
Police say a trailer loaded with 14 tons of double-stuffed Oreos has overturned, spilling the cookies still in their plastic sleeves into the median and roadway.

Illinois State Police Sgt. Brian Mahoney says the truck's driver was traveling from Chicago to Morris on Interstate 80 around 4 a.m. Monday when he fell asleep at the wheel and slammed into the median.

"The boxes came out of the trailer and boxes were ripped open," he said.

The crash about 50 miles southwest of Chicago remains under investigation.

Mahoney says no charges have been filed but both lanes of traffic remain closed while authorities remove the cookies.

Samuel Merrin Commentary:
that's my favorite line, the last one. That's why I bolded and enlarged it. This is a fascinating story, full of intrigue and imagery. The raw footage is stunning and dramatic. This cookie disaster is one for the record books. It should not go unsaid that this Illinois highway was double-stuft with terror on this day.

Simba Buys Everyone a Drink: Samuel Merrin Officially Loves the Internet

This is what Samuel Merrin loves more than anything: when classic cartoons are distorted and matched with hip hop music in a way that can only truly be appreciated by someone in the unique cultural position that he himself is in.

As a young impressionable youth, I loved the Lion King with all my heart and soul. To this day, every time I look up at the stars, I imagine that great kings of the past look down on me from those stars, and will always be there to look after me, including the great James Earl Mufasa.

At the same time, I have developed a keen appreciation for T-Pain and his classic "Imma Buy You a Drank (Shawty Snappin)", an appreciation I have already blogged about pretty much rad nauseum in multiple posts.

So you can imagine the extreme levels of excitement which occurred in the otherwise blase life of Samuel Merrin of late when I discovered this vital remix, which combines both my love for character-defining childhood Disney epics with hip hop pan flashes. Witness, the genius that someone has taken the time to create:



Thank you, Youtube and SakuraInfinity.

What It's Like to Be Samuel Merrin: A Morning

Often times people ask me: What is it like to be Samuel Merrin?

My existence and lifestyle bring up a lot of questions. I mean, for the people around me. They see me walk around, with seemingly no responsibilities or cares.

I've decided to take this opportunity to detail just exactly what it is I do on a day to day basis. This is an unprecedented look at a morning in the life of Samuel Merrin.

(1) Waking up.

Samuel Merrin wakes up every day at the same time, at about 7:15am. Samuel Merrin doesn't set an alarm: his mind simply knows the appropriate time to awaken itself, and once it does, Samuel Merrin hops out of bed with the lithe energy of a panther.

(2) Eating breakfast

Samuel Merrin eats a breakfast of champions for breakfast each day. Usually there is some form of protein, such as a hot dog, and some sort of carbohydrate, such as a hot dog bun. Samuel Merrin makes it a point to eat patriotically whenever possible, and is no stranger to a morning potato salad or ice cream cake.

(3) Choosing his attire

Samuel Merrin is a big fan of stripes, but no other pattern really catches his fancy when it comes to interesting shirts. Jeans are also big.

(4) Going to work

Samuel Merrin usually takes MUNI to work, and then walks. He enjoys MUNI because it is sort of like a cable car, but less dangerous.

That's all I have time for now. Tune in next time for the exciting continuing saga of Samuel Merrin's daily life: the Afternoon.